COUNSELLING

COUNSELLING

Counselling is an opportunity to talk about problems you're experiencing, with someone who listens and cares. It's based on a trusting relationship developing between you and your counsellor, so that in time you feel you can talk about any issue and be heard with respect and understanding. A counsellor will seldom give direct advice or tell you what to do. The main aims of counselling are to help develop our own insight into problems, help us reassess and improve our coping skills, and to help us find our inner strengths and resources. The overall effect is that we should feel less alone and isolated, less confused and depressed as we begin to understand ourselves better. And less of a victim as we discover we do have choices and can take more control of our lives.

Sessions vary in length and frequency depending on the need and how the counsellor works.

WARNING

At present there is no ultimate and effective regulation of the counselling profession. Good counsellors work to the highest ethical standards but as things stand anyone can call themselves a counsellor, they do not have to be trained, they do no have to be insured, they do not have to belong to a regulating body and ultimately one can be faced with having to take civil action for damages against the individual if things go wrong. Even if a counsellor does belong to a regulatory organisation and claims to be bound by their codes of ethics, faced with a complaint they can simply resign. Some organisations specifically state that they exist to protect the counsellor. No counsellor can be struck off and therefore many who have behaved unethically continue to work quite lawfully. It is for this reason that you should read all the notes of guidance to be found in this website.

DIFFERENT FORMS OF COUNSELLING

Face-to-face - This is usually one-to-one, in the organisation or counsellor’s own premises. A lot of organisations, such as rape crisis centres, offer face-to-face counselling free. Private Counsellors charge various amounts, usually from £25 to £50 or more per consultation depending on the area where they work, their experience and skill. Some offer concessions or other ways to assist those on low disposable incomes.

Group work - This usually involves one or two counsellors working with a group of people. This can be offered by voluntary organisations free or may involve payment if provided privately. Sharing each other's experiences is usually an important part of the process.

Outreach - This is counselling given in the client's home, or at a school or community centre; or any other premises outside the organisation.

Telephone & Email - Not many counsellors offer this service because of the constraints and limitations when compared with the advantages of being able to work one to one in the presence of a client. But for some clients, for example those that are disabled, those that are not able to travel or for those who reside in isolated areas it is far better than nothing. For others it may be an easier option to start with if being with a counsellor is too frightening. And for some, who have established a good working relationship with a counsellor, it may be possible to do some extra work by telephone or on-line.

If you do plan to use telephone counselling, the internet to access therapy or support through chat rooms it is especially important to check out the legitimacy of such services. Authentic organisations will have land line telephone numbers and addresses which can be validated together with codes of ethics and practice, complaints procedures and be able to provide details of their qualification criteria and insurance arrangements.

Private study - Some victims of rape, incest and abuse are able to access help for themselves by private study at home, from books and other sources of information but it is unusual to achieve full resolution in this way. If you choose to work this way it is wise to have your own support systems.

There is also the option of working with a student therapist free of charge. Such a student will almost certainly be a fully qualified counsellor or trained helper undergoing specialised training in areas of child abuse, incest and rape.

WHAT DOES EFFECTIVE COUNSELLING FEEL LIKE?

When you work with a good counsellor, you should feel understood and supported. You should feel warmth between you and your counsellor. And this should happen early in the therapy process.

However, you can't judge whether it is good therapy by the way you feel in the moment. Some experience counselling as a haven they can't wait to get to. Others dread every session and have to force themselves to go. Counselling is not always comfortable, but you know you're with a good counsellor when you develop more and more skills to heal yourself and you become able to recognise your own patterns and to feel and interpret your own emotions well.

When it comes to choosing a particular model of therapy or counselling be wary of those who oversell their methods or make promises to cure quickly. For some this can be possible but no counsellor can possibly predict such outcomes for all. Some counsellors do this because a particular style has worked well for them but a lack of acceptance that many differing methods work well is a negative indicator. Independent studies of different counselling methods have mostly concluded that it is the quality of the relationship between client and counsellor that matters most.

So the best therapy or counselling is the one that works well for you.

IF YOU FEEL THERE'S A PROBLEM

If a counsellor ever wants to have a sexual relationship with you, get out right away and report the therapist to the appropriate licensing board. The general rule is that no counsellor should have a dual relationship of any kind; a counsellor can not be your friend, can not be your supporter between consultations, can not be a parent substitute and certainly can not be a lover during and even for a long time after therapy has finished. The therapeutic relationship should be kept as that and all your other needs should be met elsewhere.

If you don't feel respected, valued, or understood, or if your experience is being minimised or distorted, that's a sign that you're in bad therapy, or at least that there's a bad relationship between you and the counsellor. If you feel there is something wrong in the counselling relationship, or if you get upset or angry with your counsellor, talk about it in your session. Afterward, you should feel you've been heard and understood. However, if your counsellor discounts your feelings or responds defensively, then you're not getting the respect you need. Look elsewhere.

Confidentiality is of major importance in counselling. Your counsellor will not tell anyone what you have told him or her, except in exceptional circumstances and only after discussing it with you. These circumstances usually involve your safety or the safety of others and there are some circumstances where the law does not permit confidentiality. You are advised to check out a prospective counsellor's own code of practice and to discuss this with your prospective counsellor first if you have any concerns.

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