COUNSELLING EXPECTATIONS

WHAT PEOPLE SHOULD GENERALLY EXPECT FROM COUNSELLING & THERAPY

When many of us go into therapy we do so in the hope of getting some quick release from the distress that we are experiencing. We are often very aware that therapy is costing us a lot in terms of time, money, and energy; and understandably we want to see some immediate results. This is especially true when we are in emotional pain. A therapist however, is not like a doctor who can sometimes prescribe a cure that works very quickly. All therapy and counselling takes some time and no therapist has a magic wand to instantly take our pain away.

It is also important that you talk with your therapist about what your expectations and needs are. Just like any other relationship, the more you know and can communicate what you want and need, the better chance you will have of receiving it and speeding the process. No counsellor or therapist has a crystal ball, neither can they mind read so they will not know your needs or what you are thinking without you saying. For some people, it is easier, at first, to write down their needs than to say them aloud. It may well be that you are entering therapy for the first time and have no idea of what will happen, other than you want to feel better than you currently do. It is very important that you express all your feelings, thoughts, hopes and fears to your therapist at the start, and throughout therapy to the best of your ability. Keeping your feelings about what is said to yourself is your right, but it is not very helpful in a counselling environment if you wish to make progress. Good therapy is not something done to or for you; it is a living process within which you and the therapist play active parts. Therapy works best when it is an honest two-way process of communication, and you have an equal responsibility.

It takes time to establish a trusting relationship with a therapist, so expect it to take a few sessions before you feel comfortable.

It is important that you go at your own pace and don't overwhelm yourself. Do not try to rush things for a quick fix, or because you feel you owe it to your partner, or other oughts, shoulds and musts.

We all resist change, so do not be at all surprised if you are tempted to quit therapy just before some real changes or breakthroughs are about to happen.

Being committed to therapy will change your life. Be prepared to feel some loss and fear because of this.

Others around you may resist your changes and growth and they will usually need time to adapt to the new you.

Therapy is very often hard work, and can be emotionally draining at times. After an intense therapy session expect to feel exhausted and emotionally drained for a while.

Your therapist will not be perfect as a person, and will make mistakes, as all humans do. Hopefully he or she will acknowledge and take responsibility for those mistakes.

Sometimes, therapy can release emotions and memories that have been "locked in time" for many years, and sometimes after a therapy session you may feel like a child for a while, with a child's fears.

It is not unusual when dealing with buried feelings and repressed memories, to actually feel that you are becoming worse than you were before you started.

Sometimes therapy is short term, sometimes protracted. Be prepared to take whatever time it takes to get the result you want.

Becoming a healthier and balanced person can feel very unfamiliar and uncomfortable at first. This is both normal, and to be expected.

You should expect your therapist to have good, strong, boundaries, to be ethical and to treat you with respect. The therapist should avoid a dual relationship while your therapy is in process; and during your subsequent processing. If they do not, find another therapist.

There are many therapeutic methods, models and styles, they can't all suit everybody. We are unique, have differences and find ourselves in different situations. If you feel that the therapeutic model or style used by your therapist is inappropriate for your needs, you should talk this through with your therapist, and be prepared to change to a different style or a different person.

If during therapy you feel that you are unable to get on with your therapist, it is first worth considering that the reason you may feel the way you do might have something to do with the way you relate to others; and the very issues you need to resolve. The therapeutic relationship can often be a reflection of outside relationships, and the difficulties you similarly experience in therapy, are then important opportunities that can lead to insight and resolution. It may also be that you are becoming afraid of the change that is happening. It is wise to talk to your therapist about all these normal feelings; the way your therapist reacts can be very informative. Ultimately however, therapy is your responsibility, and if you really are unhappy with your therapist or the style you must consider looking for something new.

Finally many people believe that once therapy is complete their lives will progress smoothly; that is unreasonable. When you have changed, life will still be difficult at times. You will still be faced with problems, conflicts, loneliness and boredom, as well as achievement and success. You will still encounter the wide range of emotions, from the heights of joy and happiness to the depths of sorrow and rage. As a result of therapy what you should be aware of is a growing sense of wholeness and peace, which on the one hand enables you to enjoy the good in life, while on the other hand helps you to resolve and settle the unpleasant experiences and feelings much more quickly.

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