CONSIDERATIONS WHEN CHOOSING A COUNSELLOR

GENERAL CONSIDERATIONS WHEN CHOOSING A COUNSELLOR OR ASSESSING A GROUP FACILITATOR IF YOU ARE THE VICTIM OF RAPE OR CHILDHOOD ABUSE

If you're considering therapy, there are many types of counsellors to choose from, including religious counsellors, lay counsellors, peer counsellors, psychiatrists, marriage, family, and child counsellors, and psychologists. There are also many types of therapeutic schools. There's talk therapy, where you sit in a room with your counsellor and talk about your experiences and express your feelings. There are counsellors who take this basic talk approach and incorporate role‑playing and visualisation. Some counsellors use art, writing, or theatre.

Seeing someone who specialises child sexual abuse has obvious advantages, as there will be certain dynamics involved in rape and abuse, which may be beyond the scope and experience of counsellors who deal with general matters.

You can save money and time by doing some research on the telephone and the following questions may be helpful. Some of the questions are about the practicalities but others about the style of therapy and the counsellor’s philosophy where their work with clients is concerned. Here there can be no right or wrong answers but you will sense by the replies something of how it would be to work with the counsellor, what their values and beliefs are and how open they are to your views and goals:

Have you ever worked with victims or rape/childhood abuse? How long for?

What kind of training do you have in this work?

How do you work with survivors?

What are the techniques you use?

Is it necessary for resolution to recover memories?

Can you work if I have few or no clear memories?

Do I have to talk about the details of the abuse/incident?

Do you see family reconciliation as a goal? Why ~ or why not?

What role do you think forgiveness plays in the healing process?

What part do you think confrontation plays?

What is the goal that you aim for with clients?

Have you been in therapy yourself? How would you describe the experience?

What do you think about touching clients? (Some forms of counselling include touching and/or holding. This may be an important issue for you and this may also vary depending on the gender of the therapist. If the style of counselling offered includes touching you may wish to look elsewhere or to be able to exclude that by making it clear that you are uncomfortable with touch.

(No counsellor or helper may insist on touch unless you agree).

What degree of confidentiality do you offer? No therapist or counsellor can offer total and absolute confidentiality. In certain circumstances to do so would break the law; also your safety and the safety and welfare of others has to be considered.

How long do you work with clients on average?

How much do you charge?

Is there a sliding scale or are there other arrangements to assist with the cost?

And ask for all the terms and conditions ~ in writing if possible.

If you have issues to do with race, religion, sexual orientation, disability, alcoholism, eating disorders, or other specific problems, or some other aspect important to you prepare some special questions that will help you determine the attitude and experience of the therapist or group leaders. You may prefer to choose a counsellor of your race, economic background, sexual preference, religion, or someone who has experiences similar to yourself.

Once you've contacted a number of counsellors compare the way you felt when you were talking with each one:

Which one seemed to understand you best?

Was it easy for you to clarify what you said when you felt that you had not been understood?

Were you able to be honest and direct?

Did you feel that the therapist was focused on you?

Did you get some useful feedback when explaining your needs?

Did the therapist seem fairly flexible and at ease?

Was the therapist open and clear about the boundaries and what is expected of you?

Whom did you feel the strongest connection with and with whom did you feel most at ease?

Mutual respect and trust are the essentials in the therapeutic process and you are also looking for someone with whom you have good rapport.

Once you start work with a good counsellor, you should continue to bear in mind the above points and feel understood and supported. You should feel genuine warmth between you and your counsellor early on.

Additionally throughout therapy:

You should feel generally liked and respected.

You should be treated as a unique individual.

There should be evidence that the therapist is interested in you and your issues.

Expressions of emotion and information given should be limited to what is helpful to you.

You should experience clear and safe boundaries within which you can work.

You and your therapist should refrain from contact outside the process.

The therapist should be comfortable and listen to you respectfully if and when you ask questions about any aspect of the process and therapeutic relationship, or if you wish to be critical or to challenge anything.

You should gain a growing sense of being able to rely on your own feelings and find your own solutions.

You should generally feel empowered and as an equal with the therapist.

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